this pretty much sums it up

are you hungry?

-"are you hungry? i can make soup"
-"you can make soup?"
-"well it's canned..but i can heat it up real good."

she's always watching

anna's apartment in iceland was really pretty. gudni told me she spent most of her time decorating. i thought it was funny how she would be laying down on the couch, smoking a ciggarette and watching her australian soap opera. she was pretty adament about that. but she was a really nice lady. she cooked sometimes, and made snacks for me. sometimes she would clean gudni's room and he hated that. i was supposed to bring her a bottle of booze when i first arrived but i was unable to because of the age restriction. it's twenty and i was nineteen at the time. i remember her face when gudni told her, i'm sure she thought i was much older. when i first arrived, i remember she would stare a me when i would eat. :o) it makes me laugh just thinking about it. what was she thinking when she looked at me? was she assuming that i wouldn't notice? no hard feelings though, i found it ridiculously funny.

kissa the cat was one of the best cats i've seen. she was so smart. she was able to go outside, so we'd leave the window open in our room and she'd jump right out whenever she wanted to go. sometimes gudni and i would be laying in bed and i'd see kissa jump right back in the room. now that's independence. i guess it's nice to know that your cat can hang around outside without the risk of being hit by a car. i remember the apartment having a distinctive smell. not a bad smell, but rather one of a certain perfume. sometimes i can remember it, but i noticed that elizabeth arden is very popular for the icelandic bathrooms of women over forty.

the windows had lace curtains, the kitchen had brass pots and pans hanging overhead with an assortment of seasonings on display. there was a beautiful unvarnished wooden table with a bench and sewn cushions. there were wicker chairs placed by the patio, potted plants and handmade dolls. let's not forget the accummulation of nearly seven coke bottles under the sink due to "mass consumption by all of us". in the tv room she had family photos and this cool sewn picture of cleopatra. she also had this really interesting painting or drawing of this little girl. she had blonde hair and blue eyes and she was looking at you rather deviously. bjorgvin told me "that's the icelandic girl, she's always watching."

xxi

my first day at the store wasn't bad at all. most of the people i work with are tolerable, and the hours went by pretty fast. but of course i was only there for about two. i was working the dressing room with some other new girl who kind of bothers me. she's those types of girls who's a little on the alternative side but still really judgemental. think emily from yummy. i did the whole "be nice" thing, but i also thought it would be better just not to say anything at all and..button up shirts. what i really took comfort in was the fact that two other girls ride the same bus i do going back home, and one of the girls actually gets off the stop i do. i forgot both of their names, but one of them is from bangladesh. i found out that the bus runs late--until around 1:30, and the latest i'll be at the store (if im closing will be 12ish) so it works perfectly! i don't have to drive. maybe i'll get my car shipped out of here sooner then i thought. who knows.. i'm due to return tommorrow at 5. that'll be a training day. i start a full shift on saturday, unfortunately i'll be closing. it really can't be that bad though. at the club job..i had to stay from 6 to 2 o'clock in the morning. talk about slavery.

look to the hills

yesterday ended on a high note. love had called and i had decided to go to the top floors of the apartment building by the fire escape. this building is around eight stories high, and i never thought to go to the upper floors, especially when i live on the first. but what a view.. the fire escape was painted yellow, as well as the walls to the apartment hallway. i was looking outside this old 1920's style window, and the sun was starting to set. the sky was bright blue with orange hues by the horizon and those tall skinny california palm trees looked like shadows. the hills were in the distance and i could feel the sun beating down on my face. it was hot as hell, but it felt nice. once the sun finally s et, the breeze came through. it was a great conversation with gudni, i felt like he was there with me. we could talk for hours..i love him so much i can't get over it.

nutshell

sometimes when i look back, i can't believe how crazy and confusing my life has been since i left whittier. since the very beginning everything was up in the air, life was like searching through a forest and looking for a deer to kill. that's how i've felt for the past year. i'm still trying to erase from my mind the first apartment i moved into, and i'm happy to say that only lasted for about a month. then it was the search for another job besides my internship, and then it was my experience as an intern. (and as i said before, it was terrible) there was yummy, which was the longest job i've ever had, but also the strangest. the people i worked with, the mistakes i made with the people i worked with, and my realization of my rusty social skills. then there was my second apartment which i lived at for six months, which was actually ok. i got the privacy i wanted, i was able to tolerate one roommate, but i fucking hated the other. and the longer i stayed, the more i would despise him. and the most anticipated event of winter, which was my trip to iceland which put me in a very new position in my life. but i must admit, while i was in iceland, i didn't want to leave. i was scared to go outside by myself, but i really felt at ease there. i felt comfortable..i remember the feeling of having to go back to los angeles. i dreaded it everyday, i was hoping the day would never come.

next was the mess after i finally came back to california, the TERROR that i knew would await me. things have improved since january, but NOT MUCH. that's how bad it's been. i had to look for another job, and i've wasted so much precious time. i've accomplish two goals so far. moving out of the old apartment, and buying my plane ticket to miami. the chapter titled "job hunt" was disastrous. but maybe i shouldn't say that, because i finally landed a GOOD JOB. a job i know i'm capable of. i've been through 4 different jobs since i came back. four jobs. that's crazy. and i quit them all for good reason.

the restauraunt- it was bootcamp, it was to much to take in for a first timer. how feasible is it for me to memorize nearly 300 items in a week, and give excellent customer service FLAWLESSLY.

the dnc- what a hellhole, a dungeon. i considered myself a slave being able to dance out in the sun for 10 minutes out of a 9 hour shift and then being constantly whipped to call careless donors.

the "other dnc"-they keep hiring people but what they don't realize is that they dont have any more space.

the club- i'm not subjecting myself to anyone.

but let me just put the past behind me because there is nothing i can do to change it. what's the point in dwelling. all i can do is focus on what i'm able to do in the comming months. i'll have an easy going job, it''' be constantly busy so i don't get bored, and the mangers seem to have taken a liking to me. im just gonna go from here and move on

swedish midsummer

darjeeling and tenenbaums

i haven't updated rhubarbidoo in while so sometimes i forget to mention things. last week rachel and i met lisa and two other people for a double feature. it was the darjeeling limited and the royal tenenbaums. i liked darjeeling, but by the time the second movie came on i was so tired i couldn't really enjoy it. i already have a problem focusing on ONE movie when it's past six.. it was a fun experience though. the movie theater was this really tiny one room theater. when they're not featuring indie films they play really lame scary old 70's movies.

oh yeah by the way fuck the us government. yeah that's right i said it..
making me back taxes. i don't even have a real job.
assholes..

the wrecklessness of water

night swimming
deserves a quiet night
The photograph on the dashboard
taken years ago
turn around back and so the windshield shows
every street light reveales a picture and a verse
still its so much clearer
i forgot my shirt at the water edge
the moon is low tonight

night swimming
deserves a quiet night
I'm not sure all thes people understand
it's not like years ago
the fear of getting caught
the wreckless mass of water
they can not see me naked
these things they go away
replaced by every day

night swimming
remembering that night
September's coming soon
i'm pineing for the moon
and what if there were two
side by side in orbit around the fairest sun
the bright tide that ever drawn
could not describe
nightswimming

you i thought i knew you
you i can not judge
you i thought you new me
this one laughing quietly
underneath my breath

nightswimming
the photograph a flux
every street light a reminder
nightswimming
deserves a quiet night

and at last!

finally finally finally. i got a new job. wow.. it took forever. it's at a store at the Beverly Center so I think I'll be ok with this one. Ever since I came back it's been a hassle finding a job i can actually tolerate. I'm just glad my search is over.. i've been going kinda crazy over the past few weeks. orientation starts monday at klukkan sex. i couldn't take the restauraunt, i couldn't take the horrible DNC and..that other thing.. ahh. i'm glad it's all over..

now time for some trader joe's frosted mini wheats.

norwegian bunads

i've been having a hard time finding norwegian or swedish historical dress from around..the 16th or 17th centuries...or hell, even before those times. i keep getting pictures of "national dress", but those aren't really historical outfits, just costume's made during a resurgence of national pride during the 20th century. the norwegian bunads are so beautiful to see. they must be handmade and the detail put into them shine through. one day when i'm old i want to sew a whole wardrobe for different styles of dress in different countries. i think i'm gonna put up some interesting costumes on rhubarbidoo. i think it adds that "personal touch" :o)



they're nearly 200 different styles for bunads over norway. the design and accessories differ depending on where your from. i must admit some bunads are better then others, but they're all beautiful in different ways. i love how the colors are vibrant and the jewelry is also handmade.i also read somewhere that they can cost anywhere between $3000 to $10,000 to make. it's insane. but the peasant style was a little bit different. i wanted to compare the regional dress between norway, denmark sweden and germany. not because i have some kind of obsession but because i've never learned to much about it. i've always focuses on england and france..sprinkle a little bit of italy. i'd rather see different styles and representations. unfortunately, iceland doesn't really give me much to see. maybe i'd need to find actual books. i've found a national costume for iceland, but as far as peasant dress and just common regional dress, it's proven to be a little bit difficult. i know i'll find something somehow.